Sometime last week I learned that we would be one of five stops on a pretty hilarious fundraising race put on by Grundel Bruisers, done in benefit for Mat Barton’s recovery fund. The basic premise being that there are five stops with a cake to be consumed before a team of five could continue to the next stop. This seemed like a pretty straight-forward and easily accomplished concept. However I tried a piece on Saturday morning, and realized that eating a whole round would not be the pleasurable experience I had imagined – and on top of this we were told that teams could penalize others by bribing the attendants at each stop (yes, sauerkraut cake…). I got some photos of the first team that came through our cake-station, which just so happened to be our own Team S&M – led by competitor extroardinaire Mielle Blomberg and the brisket-king himself Johnny Brisket. By the time they reached us, victory was pretty much imminent, however it was still pretty funny (and entirely disgusting) to watch some teammates devour an entire cake topped with kraut. Congrats to our pals for bringing the victory home, and a huge hats off to Grundel Bruisers for organizing a hilariously successful fundraising event. Following is a brief race report from Mr. Brisket himself:
Yep, S&M crushed by an estimated 35-45 minutes.
Because of your generosity, a bit of fast riding and some brilliant team tactics, Dave Condon (Trusty Switchblade), Mielle Blomberg, Mary Fordham (both of Les Femmes), Patrick Croasdaile (S&M) and I won the race.
The race as I remember it…. others can correct me if I’ve missed something
-We had $350 in twenties and tens at the start (Thanks guys!) We ate the first cake and drank the 32 oz. of choc milk (a surprise) at the start at Crank, got on our bikes and hauled to stop #2 at Western Bike Works, riding half of Burnside bridge backwards against traffic.
-Once there, Mielle waived a couple of twenties at the judges and we left the cake and one other team eating their cake on the ground like swine, got on the bikes and hammered South thru town, along Barbur to around Terwilliger and Boons. We were first to arrive, laid down some more $, hopped on the bikes, bombed Taylors Ferry, crossed the bridge and hauled to the shop (note: the shop being Sellwood of course).
-This is where things began to get ugly and the cake started hitting the fan. Other teams had called in and paid for “penalties” and when we arrived at the shop, our cake had a nice layer of Sour Kraut on it. We were nervous about buying another cake (and inviting more penalties) and ended up eating this one and drinking the choc milk.
-Not feeling well, but knowing we were in the lead, we hammered up Spring water and the esplanade as fast as we could to the finish at Prost on Mississippi. More ugliness awaited us there. We were the first to arrive and discovered that we were now penalized with a second cake and a 3 liter Boot of beer. We managed to buy our way out of the second cake, but to also pass it on to the next team to arrive. Mary and Mielle dove into the cake while Patrick, Dave and I started knocking back the beer. The beer went fairly quick, but it took a while for the women to finish an entire cake. They were freakin’ heroes, plowed through the cake and won it for us.
-There was puking and pooping…. a fair amount of it, but I won’t get into that.
-Yes, we bought our way out of some pain, but hey, it was a fund raiser right? Thanks to all of you who contributed! We couldn’t have done it without the war chest of cash we had. Thanks to the shop for paying our entry fee!
Since we won, S&M hosts next year!